Running for the Cake Batter….

Yep.

It would be brownie batter if I’d had the kitchen oomph to do it from scratch– I went for the box of Duncan Hines Dark Chocolate Fudge (hard to find, but WORTHY!) instead.

Why cook it? Y’all can yell at me all you want about salmonella. I’ll change my mind the first time I puke after eating a raw egg. Meanwhile…. Why this behavior?

Stressful day.

Writing-wise, I had to introduce some well-loved characters to some really unfortunate events, which I completely hate. But, it’s what happens. It’s the story. Boo to me, I guess. I can’t explain how stressful this is–you won’t really understand unless you’re another writer and you’ve had to do it.

No, I can’t tell you what they are until the book is released. (Yes, I hear the boo’s already….)

On top of that, I got word today that a dear friend of mine in Kansas City suddenly and unexpectedly passed away. I’ll miss her so, so much.  

So hand over the bowl of cake batter and nobody gets hurt.

Unless you’re a character in my book.

Larryville: an unwritten book

Many times I’ve been asked, “Oh – do you write children’s books?” Considering I have six children, the question makes sense. However, the answer is no, for the Number One reason that I don’t dare aspire to that honor. Molding children’s minds is an incredible responsibility that should never be taken lightly– and the books we and our children grow up with become beloved and almost sacred in some ways. It’s a thing of greatness to write incredible, uplifting, and guiding books for children. I honor children’s writers and am deeply, deeply grateful to them for doing something I could never do, yet is vitally important to our family life.

Reason Number Two is my mind is a bit warped. (Which refers back to Reason Number One, in its own way…) I’ll show you. This idea came to me while driving kids to school this morning. If I were to write a children’s book, it would look like this:

Larryville

by Linda Adams

Chapter One

Once upon a time there was a place called Larryville, where only people named Larry were allowed to live. In fact, if your mother didn’t like you very much, she could punish you by saying “Your name is now– LARRY!” and you would be sent off on the Larry bus to live in Larryville forever.

The people of this country did this because it seemed reasonable to them, and kept proper peace and order in all their other towns, none of which were allowed to be named after a person. No one really, ever, wanted to be sent off to Larryville. It sounded scary and nobody even really knew what it looked like, except those who lived there.

And so one day there was in a little house in a nice little town called Emeritus, a young man named Marmalade, who did not have orange hair as the name suggests. It was just plain old yellow. But his mother had so wanted a red-headed child that she named him after an orange jelly, in the hopes it might one day change color.

This did not happen.

Marmalade grew until he became the ripe old age of seventeen years old, at which time he sat at home a lot, refused to go out and get a job, and either played video games all day or talked to his friends about playing video games, and how to beat all the next levels.

One day Marmalade’s mother asked him for the seven millionth time in one day to please do the dishes, to which he responded with his usual dialogue: “Grunt,” and mumbled something about waiting until he beat the next level. Finally she got so fed up with it, that she became less than polite. In fact, she yelled. Marmalade still refused to listen. Which he should not have done, because the next thing out of her mouth were the words, “Your name is now–Larry!”

Both of them were startled and shocked. But there was a law in this country. And that law was that once a parent said that to a child, his or her name was legally changed at that very moment. The law trusted that parents would know which of their children were Larrys and which were good and upright and responsible citizens.

So it was that the words were out of her mouth.

And the very next day, Larry Marmalade and all his possessions, game controllers and even his teddy bear were packed onto the waiting Larry bus with a tearful goodbye.

“I’m sorry,” his mother said, giving the new Larry a hug. “I don’t know what came over me. I shall miss you ever so much.”

And off went Larry Marmalade to discover his new future, terrified and sniffling but secretly just the tiniest bit excited that he would be one of the few to discover what Larryville really was like.

[end Chapter One, Larryville by Linda Adams, (c) 2009, All Rights Reserved.]

And that is why I don’t write children’s books.

Recipe: Happy Christmas Pancakes

Make up any pancake mix.

Toss in the leftover assorted sprinkles and doodads from baking the sugar cookies and stir lightly.

If you didn’t make sugar cookies, toss in sprinkles or red or green food coloring.

Serve for dinner, because you couldn’t come up with anything else and you’re frazzled.

Announce them as Special Happy Christmas Pancakes.

While eating, make up silly elf names for family members using alliteration with first name, i.e. Mighty Mike, Jumpin’ Jennifer, Silly Sue. (Make sure names cause laughter and not tears.) Spray pancakes and if desired, misbehaving family members with canned whipped cream you’re certainly keeping on-hand for that secret hot cocoa fix.

Enjoy!

A Thought on “Fire”

I’ve started a discussion on this on Facebook for anyone who wants to join in:

About the REAL Apocalypse

http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=9466911731&topic=14113

I’ve been pondering for a while over the possible symbolic meanings of the word Jerusalem in scripture, especially scripture that prophecies of our days. Does it always mean old Jerusalem in the Middle East? Or could it have other meanings? If you look at “Jerusalem” as a word meaning a center place for those of a certain religion to gather and worship – then surely Salt Lake City at Conference time represents a modern-day Jerusalem for Latter-day Saints. In fact, if you think about it, we built a temple right across from a “dead sea” over a hundred years ago, and the “living waters” of the fullness of the Gospel flow forth from it throughout the world.

I’m curious whether there are events foretold in scripture which we still look forward to, but have either already happened, or may be happening right before our eyes. Most Mormons understand our missionary work to be the latter-day gathering of Israel, for instance. Temples are dotting the earth. The gospel of Christ is going forth to many nations. We can’t underestimate the importance of these things – things we sometimes take for granted.

I’ve also been pondering whether what we call “The Second Coming” is a single cataclysmic event, or a series of events, an age or time period in which a specific set of events occur. If so, which event would you say defines or is His Coming?

I think most of us feel the Last Days or “end times” means the time period, dispensation, or age, with many events leading up to the Big Day. To Latter-day Saints, this includes the Restoration of the fullness of the Gospel through Joseph Smith, which began in the spring of 1820. But there are several “final” appearances of the Lord prophesied – setting His foot on the Mount of Olives and the Council at Adam-ondi-Ahman, most notably, and the Marriage Supper of the Lamb. But how close together in time are these?

It’s not something you really have to trouble yourself with, unless you’re trying to plot out a book that works in some of these events. Ha.

The way I see it, the state of our hearts throughout our lives is what really matters – not what we live through, or live to see. Our souls are eternal. We belong to this earth. It stands to reason we’ll all be there in one form or another, on one side or another, when it all shakes down.

And with my writing, I have never in a million years wanted to tell a “true” story of what will “actually” happen – I’ve said before that would freak me out beyond all reason. No thanks! I want to offer an interesting story which I can support with scripture and prophecy, which will give readers things to think about.

Still. I’ve had some interesting inspiration come to me as I’ve studied out how exactly to wrap up my trilogy. What events do I include? How far forward do I go? What should I leave out because it will just be too cluttered? What will please my readers? But most importantly, what will please the Lord? All these questions I’ve had on my mind since I started writing, but only in the past couple of months have I received some specific insight which is fitting all the pieces nicely together. ~Big sigh of relief!~

Some of the depictions in scripture of conditions around or right before He appears are pretty vivid and not a little scary: worms that torment five months, flies that lay eggs in living flesh, eyeballs falling out of their sockets, earthquakes like we’ve never imagined, seas heaving themselves beyond their bounds. Some of this makes for interesting stuff to work into a book. Some, I just don’t worry about beyond that. Follow the prophet, keep up the food storage, be prepared, live by the Spirit. The rest? I’ll take it as it comes.

But I had a tidbit of inspiration I’d like to share with you. Something I always found strange or “wild” was the wording of the prophecy of the two prophets in Revelation 11, especially considering they are most likely two modern-day Apostles of the Lord:

 “And if any man will hurt them, fire proceedeth out of their mouth, and devoureth their enemies: and if any man will hurt them, he must in this manner be killed.”

This has always sounded like something from a science fiction film. Imagine! Flaming laser beams coming from someone’s mouth! Yikes! And these are the good guys. Well, no wonder people passed around presents once those guys were gone. Is this some new technology not yet invented? Is it a spiritual gift to be a human flame-thrower? Or what? I mean, wow! That’s just plain freaky! Right?

However, in the spirit of the lovely book Eats, Shoots and Leaves, I offer you this possible re-punctuation of this pertinent phrase:

…if any man will hurt them, “Fire!” proceedeth out of their mouth…

 

Hm. Now it doesn’t sound so weird after all.

We fire guns and explosives all the time. I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard someone yell “Fire!” in a movie.

Well, now that verse is almost boring. “Oh.” Yawn.

I’m not saying we can’t have cool dynamite-with-a-laser-beam Apostles. I’m just offering the possibility of a more practical interpretation.

As for the book, I can say, “I know what to do now.” Also what not to do. I’m not sending anyone to the Middle East – I’ll give you that straight-up, so don’t look for it. I never could figure out how to get any characters over there without it seeming all contrived and silly – and as it turns out, I don’t have to.

You’ll either love it or hate it.

Most likely, you’ll love that I’m almost done – grin.

A Deleted Scene.

Yep. That’s what I said.

How can I be sure this won’t end up in the finished manuscript?

You tell me.

Here it is, dated Sept. 2009. Found it, taking it out tonight. BTW – I’ve solved a few mental blocks, now I just need to get the engine going.

===============

Hello my name is Linda and I am the author of this book you have been reading. Thank you for taking the time to read through my little characters’ lives. I hope you’re enjoying things so far.

Right now, however, I’m facing writers’ block which refuses to be removed by any means known to man with the exception of a hunger strike – and I like food. Sorry. Not trying that one.

So. What do you all think. How should this end? Who do you care about? Who do you NOT care about?

Where should this little blurb I’m typing get inserted into the text? I don’t know either. Frankly it doesn’t seem to fit and is a little self-serving, don’t you think?

I wish I was having some better ideas, but nothing has been coming to me for months and months.

I have a few stray thoughts here and there. But the engine seems ground to a halt.

However. The prompting I have received is, to open the MS and type a little every day.

So here I am, typing. Typing typing typing very very ultimately fast as fast as my little fingers can go. Which is faster than a lot of people, but not so fast as Orson Scott Card, who is rumored to type at about 120 wpm which is crazy insane fast. I’m just plain old fast. Maybe 80 wpm or so if I’m on a roll.

I can write a thousand words in an hour. I wonder how many crappy words that I’ll have to spend hours writing will get written before the real ones that actually belong in this book emerge. Was that a confusing sentence? I hope so, because it sure as bamboo shoots confused me. I am trying not to swear. Swearing is bad. If I swear, other people may feel inclined to swear also. Hence the bamboo shoots reference above which otherwise makes no sense if you don’t realize it’s a placeholder for a swear word.

If I keep this up I will probably write a whole novel’s worth of ramblings about my flippin’ writers’ block which no one will ever care to read. Wasted time. Yes, I said flippin’. As in, I am still trying not to swear. Is it working? I have a responsibility to my readership.

I’ll say that again. I have a responsibility to my readership to finish this book.

Why on earth don’t I myself care how it ends??? That’s a good question. Wouldn’t I be frustrated if I was the writer and not the reader of this book? Why yes, Yes I believe I would be. I think I’d be ready to thunk me over the head and yell GET IT DONE ALREADY! WE’RE WAITING!!

Or, more appropriately perhaps,

GET ON WITH IT!

…to quote Monty Python.

But probably my subconscious already knows what happens and so has moved on ahead of me, bored with the sketching it all out process.

Outlines kill me. They slay my creativity completely. I believe I stopped real work on this book when I made its first outline. I should never have done that.

OK, so we’ll pretend no outline exists to be filled in. Fine. That still doesn’t solve the problem that this MS keeps coming out in teeny weeny itty bitty little puzzle pieces. Forget the joy of writing several chapters at once where things come together. Oh no. No. I get little blips and blurbs and fragments of overheard sentences. Sigh. All of which I hope, when I get enough of them, I can fuse into something somewhat cohesive. With a plot.

Ugh.

Can I be done writing now? for today? I seriously have nothing. Blah-de-blah. I wrote half a sentence down that may belong in the book somewhere…. and drew a blank.

Ugh ugh ugh

Would you like to know what the sentence was? Okay, I’ll tell you:

“Jon tucked his arm underneath Debra’s inert frame…”

Would you like to know what happens next?

Yeah. So do I.

[END]

==========================================

I’m curious if you other writers out there think like this as you’re going along.

Review: Who Shall Be Able to Stand? by S. Michael Wilcox

I figured after the rant I went on earlier this week, I should follow it with something more spiritual.

This week I finished reading Who Shall Be Able to Stand? Finding Personal Meaning in the Book of Revelation, by C. Michael Wilcox. I found this book at Time Out For Women, where the author was a presenter.

I’ve been studying Revelation intensely lately, poring through to figure out what I can and can’t use in my next book, and how I can work threads into the plot – as well as for spiritual understanding of what the last days may really bring about, which I have always seen as distinct and separate things from one another.  It looked fresh and different as I flipped through, so I snagged the last copy on the table, and sidled up to Bro. Wilcox during a quiet moment where I found him standing by himself, and asked him to sign it. We had a neat conversation. Great guy!

I wasn’t halfway into the first chapter when I realized I needed pens. And highlighters. This book was not going to stay pristine; I needed to write on it and make notes and cross-references. I have not marked up a book this much since my scriptures – which should give an indication here of how much I loved it. I will read it again and probably mark it up even more.

The terrific thing about Bro. Wilcox’s angle on the book of Revelation is that he teaches us how to understand and see the poetry inherent in John’s marvelous, symbolic writing. A longtime Institute teacher, he has a firm understanding of all the books of scripture, especially the Old Testament, and how John refers back to many Old Testament prophecies throughout, a fact I had only partially realized.

One theme throughout the volume is that what John does not say is often equally important, or more so, than what he does say. When there is a reference to an Old Testament story or prophecy, John expects us to find it, study it, and figure out the inherent meaning: hence the oft-repeated phrase, “he who has ears to hear, let him hear.”

I found a great deal of value in Bro. Wilcox’s explanations of the symbolic poetry of John. For many years I have understood Revelation to be largely symbolic, and have pored through its pages wondering if this or that verse referred to this or that modern event, studying with prayer and seeking inspiration and teaching from the Spirit.

The scope of this book helps one see world history with a broader brushstroke. Rather than focus on any specific last-days events, he points out that many of the symbols, such as the frightening locusts and horses which ascend from the bottomless pit are symbolic of war with all its attendant destructions. In other scripture – Nephi, and the Doctrine and Covenants, among others – the fact that the world will be ravaged with war in the latter-days is more plainly stated. The verses need not refer specifically to tanks or helicopters or other inventions of war which John could not, perhaps, have been allowed to name or describe specifically or more clearly; it is enough to understand that the meaning is that war will not be taken from the earth until the Lord comes to reign in glory. It will come again and again, in cycles, until the wicked have destroyed themselves, much in the same way the Jaredites and Nephites were destroyed.

Bro. Wilcox also breaks down many of the “scariest” images in John’s writing to its basic common denominators. In a nutshell, all the many ‘beasts’ he shows us are symbolic of political power, nations, kings, tyrants, and/or political ideologies which seek for power and domination. They may raise up with different heads (types of governments can be one interpretation, various nations, another), but the heart of the beast is the same: the lust for power and domination. The scarlet-dressed woman who “sits on many waters” represents the false religions of the world: everything that is not the truth of God - every priestcraft or church built up for money, gain, or worldly desires, every human philosophy which leads man away from God. Babylon, or the “great city,” represents materialism in all its forms – gold and silver in abundance, delicacies, tasty treats, luxuries, including the unending desire and greed to obtain all, and still crave the next new thing. (Black Friday, anyone?) Madonna has a song called “More” on her Dick Tracy album, which is a perfect example of this desire. Look it up – it’s a fascinating song.

These three elements working together in their various combinations form the foundation of all the tools Satan has ever worked with to destroy the souls of man: love of money, oppression by false religions, despots who rule with an iron fist, who destroy and conquer and overrun. Simple tools - but the sad truth is, they work.

When you see it this way, everything becomes clear and simple: to avoid all these desctructive factors in our day or in any age, one must come to Christ and be like him, keeping the commandments, following the prophets, praying and reading the scriptures, always calling on the name of the Lord, in order to keep ourselves clean from the evils and errors of the world.

Bro. Wilcox also points out that after every depiction of something destructive or evil, John follows it with promises and blessings available to the righteous. Many may focus on the raging beasts, or the woes and plagues poured out by heavenly destroying angels. Yet the main message of Revelation is one of hope! Even though all these destructions may come, the righteous may hope in their salvation. The Lord will pull us through. We need to keep our covenants to ensure our names are written in the Book of Life, and the promises are great and beautiful. The descriptions of heaven and of the blessings awaiting the faithful are incredible – and worth waiting for.

I’m so glad I found this book. It goes right along with everything I have thought and considered about the Last Days for many years: that the exact, specific events of our day don’t matter nearly as much as our spiritual preparation to endure whatever may come with our testimonies burning bright. Becoming “a wise virgin” with plentiful oil in our lamps is what is necessary to attend the feast of the marriage supper of the Lamb. The methods for obtaining that oil are small and simple, and ever before us: Keep the commandments. Pray. Study the word of God. Be faithful and true to your covenants. For members of my faith, I would add, be worthy of and maintain your temple recommend. (You may have noticed an increasing focus on this specific direction in recent General Conferences.) Attend the temple as often as you are able. All these will keep your lamps burning bright. We will be prepared.

I highly recommend this book to everyone seeking for greater understanding of the words of John. Reading it was a spiritually fulfilling journey.

Adam, Kiss Me Goodbye

As of this week, write me off as an Adam Lambert fan.

Which is sad. He has such a voice to work with.

I feel this is important enough to blog about, although I’m not sure I want to give it a whole lot more attention than it’s already received. Here’s the official story of what Adam Lambert chose to do during the AMA awards this week:

Billboard reports on Adam Lambert’s sexually-charged performance 

Here on the West coast, I think the shot of the simulated sexual act was clipped, and just the male-male tongue-filled kiss was broadcast. Of course even this gets plenty of attention; after all there was an outcry when Britney Spears and Madonna kissed on TV, too. I’m not going to fuss about double standards for men and women here, or any perceived differences between hetero- or homosexual simulated sex acts on prime-time live TV. (In my opinion, both are wrong.) It’s unclear as of today whether the FCC will issue ABC any fines, as they did when Janet Jackson experienced her infamous “wardrobe malfunction” during Super Bowl halftime.

I watched an interview Adam Lambert did right after the show with AccessHollywood. From the interview it was clear he wanted the shock value, was rather proud of himself for it, and compares himself with other ”shock rock” 70’s artists such as David Bowie. It’s also known that a number of female artists currently perform similar simulated acts in their concerts, so what he did isn’t even “new.”

Yes, it’s shocking. Duh. That’s what he was going for; point established.

Still, I would love to interview Bowie and find out what he thinks of this comparison. I’m dead serious. David, can you please come by and give us your professional opinion? I’m reasonably familiar with his work, including as Ziggy Stardust, and he’s spoken of his bisexuality in public. Yet somehow I don’t see Bowie sinking to this level of crudeness onstage, on live TV.

Bowie and others of his era had something Adam Lambert apparently does not: class.

There’s also a gigantic difference between what a star may do in a concert - which concert-goers should know about before buying tickets, if they do their research – and are paying a price to see; what’s appropriate for racy music videos shown on cable (again, paid services), and what’s appropriate for live, free television where children may be up watching.

Many of you know I’m a huge fan of Freddie Mercury. I’m also a big fan of Elton John and several other known-to-be-gay performers. I am absolutely not homophobic in the least when it comes to entertainment, choosing my friends, or any other area.

Freddie performed ”Under Pressure” with David Bowie on TV in the 80’s in strange makeup and wearing a pink tutu. Not his best costume choice ever, in my opinion; he looked much better in pink when in drag in the video for “I Want to Break Free.” But I digress.  

Thing is, strange outfits are nothing new to rock-n’-roll. KISS, anyone? The S&M-themed costumes of the dancers fit Adam’s obvious interpretation the lyrics, of which he said in the post-performance interview, “you gotta admit [laughs], those lyrics are not for everyone,” claiming he got carried away. I read them. Frankly, those lyrics are all innuendo and radio-friendly enough; they’re nowhere near as explicit as his performance. It boils down to interpretation.

Adam has been quoted as saying the outrage is “because I’m gay,” a fact he went public with once American Idol was over. I’m sorry, but - was anyone surprised by that? I figured he probably was; we all voted for him over and over in our house regardless.

My apologies, Adam, but it’s not because you’re gay, or that the performance was with all-male dancers in S&M themed outfits. It’s because sex – of any variety – belongs in the bedroom, behind closed doors - and is especially inappropriate whenever children may be watching.

The AccessHollywood interviewer asked Adam what he would think of being called “the male Madonna,” and he fell all over himself accepting the compliment.

However, my dear new star, both Madonna and Freddie have something you apparently do not: an awareness of what is and is not okay to do in front of children.

I tried to find video shots of the Madonna-Britney kiss to compare with Adam’s, and am failing to come up with it in short order. But the pop queen is well-known for discussing with the press about her strict parenting style of no TV, no junk food, and more recently an announcement regarding no dating for Lourdes until she’s 18. (Wow, that’s more strict than Mormon dating rules!)  

Freddie was also well-known for his flamboyancy and wild parties. I’ve been looking for the past hour for a certain quote and can’t find it now, but I know I read somewhere that despite everything wild he went for, he was extremely careful to keep kids out of it – and if anyone swore or said something unmentionable in front of a child, he’d call them on the carpet for it immediately. I liked reading that about him, and remembered it. He had no children of his own, but he protected the ones nearest to him, including as an official godfather. He was also far more discreet, refusing to address the press - period – about his sexuality or orientation, about which he was constantly hounded. He kept his personal life as private as possible, and kept his interviewers on point about sticking to the music, refusing to answer irrelevant questions.

My point remains that whatever Lady Gaga or any other artist does in concert cannot be compared to what Adam did on national TV, on a highly-watched awards show – a show a lot of underage children were likely staying up to watch – whose parents, my oh-so-new-to-stardom friend, will or will not fund your pocketbook in the future.   

He said in the after-interview that “if you don’t like it, then maybe I’m not for you,” which is a healthy way of looking at things, and pretty much what I myself tell those who read my books. Sure. If you want to appeal to a niche market rather than the masses, if you’d rather shock than please the entire crowd, that’s your career choice. Have fun with that. But don’t expect to be a legend.

And the fact remains that if this is what you want to perform and do, in today’s world, you have every license to do it. Go for it. But don’t get all upset when your future albums and/or videos may require a ratings board and little warning labels saying “explicit content.”

Why? Is it because it’s vulgar and lewd? Is it because we’re offended? Is is discrimination? Is it because we’re homophobes? Prudes? Just not “with it?”

No. None of the above.

It’s because any society with any degree of common decency left will consistently do one thing: protect its children.

The outcry against this is not discrimination.

Barbara Walters said Adam’s video clip was “too racy for daytime TV” and didn’t show it on The View. She’s smart. She knows her business. And her law. 

Even Madonna says her book Sex is not for children. It’s for adults.

You just don’t do things in front of children – i.e., in public view - which are sexually charged. It’s just plain not appropriate. In any situation, TV or otherwise. Period.

I may be going out on a limb here, but I suppose that couples both gay and straight probably kiss in front of their children, but most take care not to be caught “making out” heavily in front of them. I suppose they also definitely wouldn’t simulate such acts as Adam demonstrated on TV in front of their children. At least I wouldn’t. Maybe I’m weird, but, I just don’t wish to traumatize them.

Remember George Michael and PeeWee Herman? Both arrested for good reason. What they were doing in public at the time was illegal. For reasons stated above. It wasn’t “discrimination,” or that their chosen activity itself was illegal in any state. It’s the choice of where and when that becomes the problem.

And I, personally, have issues with any person who does not understand that simple boundary, for whatever reason, and in whatever circumstances they find themselves. 

Any person who does not understand that protecting the proper boundaries between childhood and sexual exposure is just plain dangerous. Not just “shocking:” potentially harmful. Period. 

In fact, in homes where adults “get carried away” in like manner in front of their little ones, I believe they can and do land in jail on occasion. And I don’t think that little “I got carried away” excuse holds much water in court. Correct me if I’m wrong here.

Save it for your concerts, your videos, your albums, where people know what they’re buying and paid you for it. (Count me out of helping with your royalties, because that’s not the sort of entertainment I personally enjoy. It’s just “not for me.”)  

Whatever you do, keep it off prime-time TV performances. Period.

So, Adam, to reiterate: I don’t mind a bit that you’re gay. Not a speck. And sure, it’s your business what you wear and what you do in concerts and what you sing about. If you get a charge out of shock value, and that’s what you want to do, fine. (And be glad you didn’t win the 7-year ever-so-handcuffing, and-not-in-any-ways-you’d-like contract you missed out on by losing the AI title to…. who was that other guy?)

But keep it off my TV screen. And have the brains enough to realize this sort of thing does not have any place where children are watching.

Thanks for listening, folks.

Movie Review: 2012

We saw 2012 last night, and I wanted to discuss it this morning while it’s fresh in my mind. First off–AWESOME special effects! If all that hard work doesn’t win them an Oscar, I don’t know what will. This is definitely one to plunk down your money for the Big Screen if you can, because I suspect a small screen at home just won’t have the same awe-inspiring effect. Movie tickets are much more spendy in CA than other places I’ve lived, so I don’t say that lightly. We’ve only hit about 3-4 first-run films this year, and we’re pretty careful what we risk putting our money on before we go.

It’s an end-of-the-world movie, so while I’ll try my level best not to spoil it for those that haven’t seen it, some of the plot is, well, obvious: “We’re all gonna die!” and the main characters’ response of, “No we’re not! No we’re not!” and how that works out for them - or doesn’t. 

I’ve said before that there’s intrinsic humor in the phrase, “We’re all gonna die!” That’s not the point. We all know that, or should know that. (Those of you that didn’t know you were mortal – I’m sorry to spoil it for you; death comes to us all. Yup. It’s sort of an unavoidable ‘given.’) 

The surprise of “We’re all gonna die!” comes in death occurring en masse, right now.

And so a part of me felt guilt that I enjoyed the awesome special effects display of massive upheaval and natural destruction, when obviously so many Earthlings were dying before me on the screen. But it was still the best part of the movie, and way worth seeing. I would go again and see it on IMAX if I could. Whoa. COOL. 

As an author who writes about the coming of the Last Days and destructive events, the story itself was interesting, as it took the end date of the Mayan calendar and created a plausible scientific theory for how something cataclysmic could happen to the earth, which happens to coincide with that date. Why not? (That Mayan date is Dec. 21, 2012, by the way.)

Now for the disclaimer: I’m tired, writing on about three hours of sleep, and recovering from a cold, so I hope my thoughts today make some sort of coherent sense. But I intend to publish and just get the word out there. More often than not I think about writing a review, then the time passes, and the “current” factor is lost.

First, some things I really liked. Favorite character: Woody Harrelson as Charlie – especially his video blog clip, of which Charlie shyly states “I did all the animation myself.” Loved it! Terrific character, and memorable. In fact, all the lead characters were well-cast and enjoyable to watch as the plot unfolded. Great acting. Lots to like here. There is a minor romance that is very tastefully played out, which I enjoyed. There are realistic families that realize their value to each other in some bleak moments, and a few of those heroic moments of personal sacrifice that make you want to cheer. The plot holds together very well, and the science was plausible enough to believe. I have to admit it was also sort of really cool to watch Las Vegas fall into a huge chasm that opened wide and swallowed it up, and California fall off into the ocean, even though I live here. 

And I liked that of all the many things destroyed on-screen, the Statue of Liberty was not among them. We’ve seen that in almost every destruction-type movie, and you can only do it so many times. It’s old, and they avoided it. Kudos for choosing a number of things we haven’t seen blown up a million times already.

Now to the writing. Without spoiling anything serious in the plot (I hope), my editor hat went on in a few specific but random spots: 1) it bugged me that the Lama character on the mountaintop poured out coffee-looking fluid instead of clear tea. I sat wondering where the creamer came from; total yank-out from the story. I could be wrong on that, but from my limited information, that mountaintop monk lifestyle does not include coffee or cream. Dumb detail, but so avoidable. 2) In one scene, a character runs back for a map with the earth creaking and cracking underneath him and a volcano exploding in the background. He sits in the camper going through the maps for a minute, looking for the right one. I guess someone under duress might do that, but it makes more sense to just grab all the maps and run. Sort them out after you’ve made it on the waiting airplane. Got it? Anyway, in my opinion, unnecessary drama. There were a couple of pointless spots like that that strained believability, but they’re not deal-breakers; you like the characters, and you’re rooting for them to get through it all alive, so it’s OK that they can outrun things they shouldn’t. It’s an action movie. We’re used to that. 3) The sun is shining bright over a mountain later in the movie. It looks beautiful and inspiring, but with the level of volcanic activity, plate shifting, and massive earthquakes worldwide, the volume of ash should be global by that point. It should be dusty and dark everywhere. No shiny pretty mountain. Period. End of story. 4) One guy insists he’s only had a couple of flying lessons, yet flies the plane remarkably well through tough circumstances without crashing, nothing short of a miracle. I think in the first few lessons, you don’t even leave the ground. Just give the guy a small plane license, for pity’s sake. He can still complain he’s not really a pilot, and it’ll still all work. 5) One character has a close call during which he crosses himself in prayer, and it looks like he made it. Whew! But in the next second – nope. Sorry, dude. Looks like prayer won’t work. Stinks for you. 6) Same with a mass destruction of the Vatican and other places where mass crowds are gathered around in prayer, and something huge takes them all out. That’s a Hollywood message; it’s not mine. 

Which brings me to certain issues, with the movie as a jumping-off point for discussion. It’s only been out two weeks, and I don’t expect many of you reading to have seen it yet. But let’s explore these ideas.

As an active Latter-day Saint all my life, it’s impossible for me to watch scenes of mass destruction like these and not put it into my own religious perspective. And as such, several thoughts occured to me during the film.

I was distinctly reminded of these verses as I watched it play out:

“And every mountain and island were moved out of their places. And the kings of the earth, and the great men, and the rich men, and the chief captains, and the mighty men, and every bondman, and every free man, hid themselves in the dens and in the rocks of the mountains; and said to the mountains and rocks, Fall on us, and hide us from the face of him that sitteth on the throne, and from the wrath of the Lamb: For the great day of his wrath is come; and who shall be able to stand?” - Revelation 6:14-17 

and

“And it came to pass that I saw and bear record, that the great and spacious building was the pride of the world; and it fell, and the fall thereof was exceedingly great.” – 1 Nephi 11:36

and

“For as in the days that were before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark, and knew not until the flood came, and took them all away; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.”  – Matthew 24:38, 39 

I will spoil a little here, so stop now and see the movie first if you really don’t want to know anything about the plot at all. But just like in Deep Impact, Armageddon, and even the new Battlestar Galactica, we humans see a major extinction-level event in our way, and make up our Big Plan to save the human race from ultimate destruction – with the obvious exception that when it’s all said and done, there wasn’t a Second Coming, or any indication that there might be a God, and not merely “nature,” in charge of these events. There is just survival - and not always of the fittest, to Darwin’s possible disappointment.

The same theme applies here: they borrow an awesome idea from Noah (hm, that would be… the Bible? IE, God?) and build several giant – albeit secret – arks or ships to escape. That leaves the obvious problem that Noah also had; all of humanity ain’t gonna fit, folks. And unlike Noah, they don’t employ a living prophet to help them choose out who should be saved and who’s left behind. The ugly truth of it is that tickets run a billion euros each - so you can guess who’s going aboard, mainly. They also have three years to prepare, with the epic failure of not making it known worldwide that the world’s going to destabilize shortly, covering up the clear evidence to avoid mass pandemonium. (Interesting that avoiding mass hysteria is more important to the powers-that-be than allowing everyone to know what’s imminent, and let each build their own whatever’s to try and save as many humans as possible. I could actually see that happening, is the sad thing. Even so, it may have been better filmmaking to have the warnings ignored by and large, and have every nation working on the problem with varying plans, ideas, and ‘arks’ in all sorts of countries with varying success rates, rather than one remote secret location. It would strain believability a little less. Noah built his ark in public and was laughed at openly. Until it started raining. – But I digress.)

There’s a comment somewhere in the middle where the idea that “maybe we should have had a lottery” is briefly discussed – and to their credit, our heroes are unaware of this blatant-yet-secret selling of tickets, so we can still love them.

The problem with this whole concept, from where I stand, is that there already is a lottery - announced eons ago - where tickets are free and unlimited, the whole world should know about it by now, more or less, and if enough of humanity qualifies themselves for their personal “ticket,” all the mass destructions prophecied don’t even have to happen. God spared Nineveh after Jonah actually got there to prophecy, and the people repented. He’s promised the same to us today, along with safety to the righteous through the coming storms. 

And so I sort of had a few issues with all these “great and spacious buildings” filled with pretty much the pride of the world being mainly the ones who were spared, while nearly all the humble, praying people just got crunched. I had the distinct impression that they were trying to write God out of the picture – just eliminate Him from having any part in the equation – in spite of the awesome natural destruction  portrayed on-screen, and in spite of giving a nod to the Mayan calendar being “right this whole time,” and offhand comments about “maybe those guys with the cardboard signs had it straight.” (Meaning the ones you see on the street corners waving hand-painted signs saying “Repent NOW, the END is NEAR!!”)

There is a specific scene where a massive, incredibly huge tsunami approaches all these arks, which are pretty gigantic in scale – and they appear dwarfed in comparison. It’s a beautiful shot - I loved it. It’s up there with that incredible, breathtaking angle of Shelob arching herself over the unsuspecting Frodo before she strikes, in Return of the King.

This scripture came to my mind when I saw it:

Doctrine and Covenants 121:33 : “As well might man stretch forth his puny arm to stop the Missouri river in its decreed course, or to turn it up stream, as to hinder the Almighty….”

That moment was a perfect visualization of what it might look like if man should “stretch forth his puny arm” and trust in the “arm of flesh” to stop the Almighty in His course. What we really need to be doing is calling upon God and trusting in that Almighty power.

The problem is, in all these movies, the “puny arm” move always works out.

Yet nothing we can do, even with all our technology or financial prowess to buy and build and plan, will save our puny little tails in the face of any extinction-level event or other natural destruction decreed by God and carried out by Him who calms the sea. And that, to me, is what’s wrong with all these movies that depict such events: they write God out of it, and try to say if we’re just smart enough, if we just have our own hero, our own technology, our great plan for escape, we’ll get ourselves out of any awful pickle. (False Christs, anyone? …anyone?)

The truth is, when you are dealing with a God who routinely creates and populates planets, solar systems, and galaxies – that’s massive power and intelligence, folks – yet who is intimately connected with each of His individual children - ”trusting in the arm of flesh” to get you out of any problem is just plain silly.

It’s like this. Have you ever watched a colony of ants that’s been flooded out? Off they go, carrying all their larva and pupae and eggs and food and making a very concerted (and seemingly organized) effort to relocate to a safe new home. They’re going to make it! They are strong, they are mighty, they believe in themselves! Yes they can! Yet you, the big giant human watching them, if you felt like it, you could squish them all with your shoe, or spray poison, or use any manner of pretty simple tactics to wipe them all out in a heartbeat.

I think this is just a little bit like God watching us in such an event – only in His case, he knows the names of all the individual ants and every minute detail of their lives, including which ones he really wants to take out of the ball game and which He’d like to keep alive.   

(And why can’t ants have individual names known by God, I’d like to ask…? Gary Larson named his cartoon ants. Okay, I warned you I was tired. Yes I did. Scroll back to the top. It’s there.)

I was also reminded several times during the film of a poignant passage in Suzanne Freeman’s book, Through the Window of Life, where she describes her near-death experience of seeing many things pertaining to the last days and destruction, and how even in their most desperate hours, the people dying did not call upon God. She recounts that angels were standing by, ready and waiting to help and save lives, but unless they asked for help in prayer, they could do nothing.

Some of the characters in the film were shown praying, yes; but unless I’m mistaken, everyone who prayed wound up dead. It was almost a curse. Don’t pray, man – you pray, you die. The only reference to Jesus Christ in the entire film was as a curse word, which was painful to my ears – rather than swearing, the man should have been calling upon He who actually has power to save in dire situations.  But again – it’s not my movie.

If it was my movie, it would have had angels.

If it was my movie, I would have had a nice screen shot of the Salt Lake Temple undisturbed through the chaos - because it has been made to stand through the Millenium, so the saying goes. That would have been fun. But… so far Mormon temples don’t quite make the big screen as wonders of the world… and that’s probably a good thing overall, since I’d have been irked to watch it fall and crumble, which is most likely what they would have done to it if they’d thought about it. (I admit that was a random thought. I told you: I’m tired. See above.)

So I don’t want all this to come across as a big negative, because I thoroughly enjoyed the movie, and I think you will too. It’s pretty awesome so far as movies go. (*I really liked Deep Impact, Armageddon, and Battlestar Galactica too, by the way.) It was one wild roller-coaster ride. It’s a rush. It’s one I can see again. I may even replay certain scenes over and over once I get it home on Blu-Ray. Look at THAT! Whoa – that was COOL. And I don’t do that often.

But so far as what its message is about Man vs. God, I think they got the scorecard backwards, as usual.

Let me know what you think. I’ll be interested in your comments.

The Betta Soapbox

Many of you know I’ve taken on a project to become a betta breeder.

 

I’ve become seriously interested in these wonderful little fish after a lifetime of having one or more of them in my home. Steve brought me my first betta, Herman, who lived with us during our newlywed years at BYU-Provo, and almost made it through our move to Oregon after graduation. Had I known more about betta care at the time, I may have gotten him through it… but that’s hard to say.

 

After our move to California early this year, I decided it was time for another betta – we didn’t have one while we lived in Auburn – and hopped on down to Petco, where it suddenly became hard to choose just one of the little dears, and about six of them hopped into my shopping cart at once.

 

Sigh.

One after another, four of the six took ill within days and were quickly dead. I replaced them with their store guarantee–if it dies within 14 days, you get a new one.

 

One by one these also began to die. I was doing nothing different than I had always done for my bettas – and mine had always lived for YEARS to a ripe old age with no difficulty. I got online and began to do intensive research on proper betta care, fish illness, and medication.

 

Over the following months my “fishroom” sort of exploded…. caring for fish has been extremely therapeutic for me, and as our oldest child left for college and we made an unexpected move all in the same month, I was in need of some therapy. I’d like to say I’ve made pretty serious progress in the area of understanding fishkeeping, water and tank chemistry, treatment of fish illness, which freshwater species can and can’t be kept together, and especially how to care for, and breed, the betta splendens.

 

Also over the following months I noticed a trend which distresses me enough to stand on a soapbox about it. Some petstores are better than others at caring for their fish, and your best bet for helping you get started out in aquarium keeping will always be your local “mom and pop” type of fish store. Even so, such stores are not created equal, and it’s wise to do your research on what to look for in a well-run store. Internet resources abound for how to get started out and find stores, and that’s not the point of this article.

 

Today, I’m talking about following the money.

 

For whatever profit there is in selling fish–and when you’re looking at a $3.99 “veiltail” betta at retail prices, we can’t be talking too much per fish, but the total must add up–it’s all about the profit and not much about the health of the fish. And as you move from mom-and-pop stores to national chains, the fact the dollar is the bottom line and not the fish becomes increasingly obvious.

 

My own two Oscars were “rescues” from a certain national chain discount department store that in my opinion has no business even selling fish in the first place–because I couldn’t stand not to take them home and treat them for their illnesses. One had “Ich,” and the other had a serious open wound on its side. Were they overpriced for their species and size as well? Yes. Did the store employees care or notice they were selling me a sick fish? No. Did more sad, sick fish show up to take their place the following week? Yes, you bet they did. My rescue saved these two fish’s lives; but the sale also stimulated a purchase order to send out more.

 

Eventually I grew to keeping 14 bettas at once (gulp!!! yes… 14) from various local petstores. I homed them in clean water with sufficient heat (72* or higher, typically 78-82*) and many live plants. All of them had frequent waterchanges. Most lived in over two gallons of water each (or much more), and all of them received the best diet available: live and frozen foods, with only occasional supplements of high-quality pellets. Every single one of them received better care and nourishment than the bettas I kept for the past fifteen to twenty years.

 

And every single one of these bettas, six months later, are now dead. All 14 of their money-back-14-day-guarantee replacements are also dead. Many of their “replacements” are ALSO dead.

 

I post today to give you the results of this awful, horrific ’science experiment’ over the past months of my buying bettas from petstores. I wish I had counted all the deaths and had every single receipt. I honestly do not know how exactly how many I replaced under “warranty,” then replaced the replacement, replaced it again, and again. But I believe I have bought since FEBRUARY 2009, approximately 60 bettas. All but a few “community females” living together in a tank were sold to me in tiny little cups.

 

I hope it is not wicked of me to post my results here with store names attached. These are just my statistics. Your mileage may vary. Also, I make no allegations here as to the quality of care the bettas received in-store or by their suppliers before they came to me, or to the quality of their breeding. Neither does this state my opinion of any of these stores. In fact, I’d like to point out that the Dublin Aquarium Concepts store is my favorite local store to do my fish-stuff shopping, has excellent staff who are friendly and knowledgable, and takes very good care of their livestock. They typically carry a better selection of prettier or “fancier” tail types, and are also, I’m happy to report, now offering a filtered and cycled divided tank section for up to eight higher-end bettas. Kudos!

 

The following numbers are simple if nonscientific, because I did not track exact figures with a spreadsheet, and I don’t care to repeat this unintentional “experiment” to see if I get the same results again. Still, they are very close estimates. You can try this experiment in your hometown if you like and track your success rates more closely and scientifically. If you do–please leave me a comment about it.

 

Of these approximately 60+ bettas who came home from stores, there were:

Five survivors.

Four deaths due to accidents: 

  Jumped out of net while waterchanging and landed in disposal while dishwasher was emptying the soap.  

  Sucked into Python tank vacuum & decapitated (ewww).

  Overnight heater failure in garage.

  Jumped out of cup before going in tank. 3-foot drop. 

Five due to aggression:

  One male killed his female during a spawning attempt. 

  One aggressive female maimed & killed 4 others before I could stop her.

   

So let’s take 14 off that total, for at least 46 fish dead to unrecoverable illness, both male and female, from all various tail types and varieties sold by each store. Neither male nor female nor any particular tail type seemed more hardy or sickly than another. All the tail types and colors you’re likely to ever see in a retail store are all betta splendens– i.e., they may look different, but are all the same species. Wild betta types do exist, such as betta falx and betta raja, but that’s a story for another day.

 

Estimated fish track record, trying to account for accidents/aggression fairly:

Petco: at least 20: 80%+ mortality rate, 1 accidental, 1 aggression, 1 survivor

PetSmart: at least 20: 75%+ mortality rate, 1 aggression, 3 survivors

Aquarium Concepts, Dublin: about 10-12: under 50% mortality rate, 3 accidental, 2 aggression, 1 survivor

Concord Tropicals, Concord: about 6-8: 100% mortality rate

Average mortality rate due to illness over all 4 stores: 76%

Average survival rate: 10% 

Average accident/injury mortality rate: 14%

Not listed: I haven’t bought any bettas from Connie’s Tropical Fish, Wet Pets, or All About Fish, other local stores that carry them. None of their stock grabbed my attention. If anyone wants to jump in and conduct their own experiment with betta survival rates over six months with these stores, be my guest. To their good credit, both Wet Pets and All About Fish can often be found swimming their bettas in their community tanks. Wet Pets also uses larger containers than others to house their bettas.

 

 Some I brought home knowing they were already sick, hoping I could save them in time. I couldn’t. Some got better initially, only to fail down the road. I don’t remember how many of these there were; maybe along the line of 25-30%, but mostly I tried to buy stock that looked healthy. And if you want to argue with or ignore the percentage I bought that were sick to start with–fine, then I’ll start counting up how many I see obviously sick or dead from the store stock on a routine basis and post that figure too. Tell you what–why don’t you run down to whatever local store near you that carries bettas, count up how many they have in stock, and total up how many look healthy and in clean water (clear, without food and debris or other cloudiness), how many in dirty water, how many look “sick” or unresponsive (look for: sluggishness, white spots, “fuzzy stuff” on body or fins, yellow or gold dust patches, missing ends of fins which look black/scabbed/bleeding, etc), and how many are dead. I typically find one or two dead every time I’m in a chain store. (Do a good deed for the day, take the dead one up to the counter and announce “This one’s dead!” nice and loud. Employees love that. Especially if you add on a comment about how filthy the water is and start asking when they last changed the bettas.)

 

All right then. Moving on. Somewhere along the line, my 40-gallon “sorority” female betta tank picked up a contagious but slow-moving disease that I only hope I have diagnosed and treated correctly as Aeronomas. Source of this disease is unknown. Even so, of those dying from this odd disease, all were petstore fish. No breeder’s fish or my own hand-raised fish died of the disease.

 

Again: I keep their water clean, most all of them live(d) in 2 gallons or much more, and feed them an excellent diet of mainly live and frozen food, supplemented once in a while with high-quality pellets. Their temps were always above 72*, usually 78-82.

 

So far, I have treated for these diseases that came home with the fish:

Flexibacter/Columnaris (“body fungus”)

Swollen bellies/constipation

Fin rot/bleeding

Velvet (#1 killer)

Ich

Dropsy (#2 killer, always fatal)

 

I don’t know how much I’ve spend on meds. Maracyn-1 and Maracyn-2, bottle after bottle of Rid-Ich, Rid-Fungus, nitrofurazole, Maracyn-Plus, Mar-Oxy, the list goes on.

 

And this is ONLY counting bettas – not the over 2 dozen guppies who went DOA upon bringing home and acclimating… 8-10 silver mollies, platys, goldfish… and a number of other species brought home sick or unhealthy which also passed away–although a few pulled through, such as my Oscars, and a blue gourami who was half-starved when I got him.

 

Y’all can come over and test my water parameters and quiz my fishkeeping skills too–I really am doing my absolute best, and I understand my water chemistry, cycling, ammonia/nitrite/nitrate levels ad nauseum. I could teach biology classes over here.

 

Oh – I sold my mean aggressive yellow serial-killing female to a friend - so that’s one more survivor for Petco… but…. still. These numbers are HORRIBLE.

 

Could I have saved myself all this heartache??? And budget-blowing? Seriously, this is financial stupidity. In all honesty. It is just plain “D-U-M”-dumb as we say at our house. Yes. If I would just not buy any bettas from a petstore, I would be financially better off, not to mention I would not have endured the heartache of watching all these fish die, one by one.

 

But my “frugal” self says, “Don’t spend $25 on a breeder’s fish on the internet!! It’s a FISH!” or “Look, it’s on sale this week!” or “This one’s only $2.99! Look how cute!” ALSO DUMB–when you look at the TOTAL cost in meds, extra time treating and worrying over the unhealthy fish you’re trying to save, and whether they will infect any healthy fish with a mere stray drop of water falling from a net while you’re getting them well, and so on… 

 

From the BEGINNING I should have just ordered a $25 pair from http://www.BettySplendens.com and paid the $25 shipping, shuddered once about the fifty bucks, and called it good. Or, found and joined the IBC from the get-go, which sometimes offers a free breeding pair to new members for only the actual cost of shipping, donated by established and show-winning breeders. 

 

I’m now a card-carrying member of the California Betta Society (CBS), a subsidiary of the IBC, and I tell you, I have yet to meet a nicer group of people who really, truly care about their fish. And know their stuff.

 

I bet, had I done that, I would still have my originally-purchased fish alive today. And my pocketbook would be FATTER–having not gone through buying sick fish after sick fish after sick fish trying to “help” them, and only succeeding in helping the INDUSTRY tick off their sales charts and put yet more sick fish in the stores. I’m positive I’ve burned through far more than $50 trying to “rescue” or medicate all these poor fish. I don’t dare add it all up to find out. I may throw up.

 

The sad thing is, the bottom line is ALWAYS MONEY. The more you buy, the more you support the profit margin. Profit means they’ll keep doing what they do. Which means that every fish I’ve ever bought from those little cups only supports and encourages the practice of keeping bettas for sale in this way.

 

It will take too long today, but yes, there are massive, proven biological reasons those little cups stress out the fish to the point they have little to no immune system left to fight with, and literally can’t survive when viruses and bacteria come along. Neither can I get into the shipping practices in a bare teaspoon or two of water. (Yes: I’ve seen them being unpacked like this with my own eyes.) More stress.

 

And please–don’t come telling me that this fish naturally lives in mud puddles in Thailand and can easily handle a small environment. I’ve done the research. Yes, I do know that. And they can survive small spaces–which combined with their natural aggressive tendencies to others of their species, is why they’re kept for sale in tiny cups in the first place.

 

But I also know enough about biology to know there’s a major difference between an out-in-the-open mud puddle the fish can hop out of if things go bad, and pick a better one – and an artificial, plastic cup completely dependent on human caregivers for food and fresh water, rather than the sun and rain washing away natural pollutants and dropping yummy small live insects into said puddle, and bringing yummy little worms up from the mud to feast on.

 

And let’s not even go into the beneficial bacteria and microorganisms found in all mud and dirt which does a superior job of cleaning that mud puddle up from fish waste. None of which are ‘naturally’ found in that little plastic container, which is basically a glorified toilet. Tell me: would you like to live in your own toilet bowl - where you’re also fed by the way, and have to sit in any decomposing leftovers you couldn’t stuff in (not to mention where sillies come by and dump in a week’s worth of food at one sitting) - and have to wait around for someone to come by, maybe once or twice a week and flush it for you? How long it would take you to get really, really sick in that environment? sick to the point where if you ever escaped from this prison, you may never be your once-healthy self again? Yeah. That’s what I thought.

 

And that, my friends, is exactly what a betta cup is.

 

 And who knows what the mass-market breeders are doing to turn out the massive numbers of fish ready for sale, to keep that endless supply coming down the pike. Yes, if you’re smart and lucky, you can get two to three hundred fry from a betta spawn. But as I said, under natural conditions they don’t all grow up. Plus I’m well aware it takes six months to a year for betta fins to grow out to a “sale” or show length… so are they. Not making any allegations, and I haven’t done any research to find out, but it wouldn’t surprise me if some kind of artificial growth enhancements or other unnatural stimulants and chemicals were common in practice.

 

OK…. I’m saying all this to teach myself and drill it into my own head more than anyone else’s. 

 

Meanwhile, I had a successful betta spawn in June from a pair of petstore fish. (Yes, I should have used breeder fish. I didn’t have a source at that time, though I do now.) 

 

Of the fry who reached adulthood (please note that no matter what you do, they’re not all meant to survive–the larger ones start eating their siblings, and excrete an anti-growth hormone which stunts the little runty ones’ growth even further–it’s Mother Nature, folks, but I still had a decent success rate): none are sick, none GET sick–notwithstanding some were living in the one tank with the odd contagious disease–only the petstore fish succumbed. In addition, I lost both parents a month or two afterward to illness, for reasons unrelated to spawning. I lost another set of would-be parents (petstore also) which spawned but produced no viable offspring, then later caught the strange contagious disease from the tank the female had lived in.

 

Since attending the CBS meetings, I’ve been able to pick up breeder stock for only $1-3 per fish – for quality, hand-raised fish from show-winning lines! (they all have so many, there’s a mini-local-surplus) What’s more – I have not *ONCE* lost a CBS or IBC breeder’s fish due to illness. And this with the same volume of bettas living in the house at once as the fish I was buying from petstores. I’m not up to 60, because they don’t die. But a dozen or so in the past three months, with no illness or death to date: YES. All receiving the same good care, the same fishkeeper, the same foods, waterchanges, everything, same equipment (cleaned thoroughly), as the fish who went belly-up. So I think we can reasonably ascertain it’s not me causing the problem.

 

Let’s see, a 100% survival rate in home-raised fish vs. a 24% average survival rate for petstore fish, both national chain and locally owned, all with ‘industry standard’ betta-keeping practices: what does that tell you?

 

I have had three other recent successful spawns, and have no signs of illness in any of the parents, none of whom originated from a petstore.

 

My main purpose in becoming a breeder is the hope that by promoting proper care and facts about bettas, I can help eliminate the nasty little cups from all petstores everywhere. That is my goal. (So I personally, seriously, really NEED to not bring a single ‘nother one home. Help me stay focused! Don’t look in their eyes–that does me in!)

 

Thing is, enough people finally made enough fuss about puppymills (now THERE are horror stories, I tell you) that now, reputable petstores refuse to sell puppies or kittens. They’ll hold adoption days from humane societies – but you no longer see those “cute” but terribly abused, undersocialized, often unhealthy, and neglected puppies in the window.

 

My hope is to talk long enough and loud enough to do the same for the Betta Splendens, while offering an appropriate and healthy source for people to obtain these wonderful fish, including support and resources for helping their owners take good care of them.  

 

I have put together a whole public album on my Facebook profile titled “Petstore Bettas DIE.” It has pics of many of the beautiful fish that came home and went belly-up within a few hours, days, weeks or months. It’s disheartening. I didn’t photograph all of them either. This is just… some. And the $$$$$ I’ve lost and the stores/suppliers have made… which keeps them doing it…. sickening.

 

I hope these home-grown statistics will help you if you decide to buy and keep one of these most cool freshwater fish on the planet. Please look up a breeder. It doesn’t need to be me–I’m a beginner–and there are many out there with great reputations and beautiful “lines” to choose from. And if you can find an IBC Betta Show anywhere near you–definitely, go! It’s amazing to see the show-quality fish–many of which will be auctioned off after the show, beginning at beyond reasonable prices (starting bids range around $3, average sale prices run around $7-12, which is what you pay in-store for a far lower-quality ’specialty’ betta anyway). 

 

Whatever you do - enjoy your pets!   

 

 

 

Just in time for Halloween…

Some of my friends have heard this story already, but it bears repeating because it still freaks me out with the shudders. 

Early Monday morning I hopped in the hot tub to soak out my airplane-and-writers’- retreat muscle stiffness before the school routine broke loose - and discovered I was swimming with a very much ALIVE black widow spider!! Yikes!!

Black Widow - Top View

I jumped out. Duh.

You want it? Fine, have the tub to yourself.

Later I fished the dead spider out with a flyswatter and photographed it. I wanted proof of my early-morning ordeal. (Did I mention it was Monday? AND morning? Is there a worse time of the week?):

  Black Widow – Size Reference

And if that wasn’t enough–seven hours later, after leaving this little lady on a napkin on my nightstand all day–I called my daughter (age 9) in to see. She said, “Uh… Mom… it’s twitching.”

“It is not,” I said. “It’s your imagination. It’s dead. It’s been dead all day.”

“No, really. Look. It’s twitching.”

So I looked.

She was right. It was twitching – and twitching more the more we looked at it!

Yaaaaaah! We scrambled and prepped a decently fatal insecticide bath for her and plunked her off the napkin into a sealed cup. Where she promptly twitched even more for about twenty minutes before the reflexes finally stopped. I felt bad. But for crying out loud–it had drowned two hours in hot tub chemicals, and lay dead for seven hours!! And I really didn’t want to smash it.

It’s a beautiful specimen – and normally we smash these things so fast when we find them – to save our lives - they’re not exactly well-preserved.

And again, I wanted proof of my being accosted by a fatal demonic creature this particular early Monday morning. Which happened to be the very same Monday morning I had announced at the writers’ conference I was going to start full-time, 40 hours a week, on part III of the trilogy until I’m done. (Coincidence? Anyone? Anyone?)

So I asked around for a site with “stuff” that would help me pin & preserve it.

This site was the result!! http://www.hometrainingtools.com

Many thanks to my insect-collecting friend C., who passed it on to me, I found all sorts of lab supplies and science experiements and games for classrooms, etc. on it.

They have all sorts of insect collecting kits, microscopes/slides, telescopes, lenses, grow-a-frog kits, ant farms… it was SO COOL.

 

I ordered a pinning board, pins, and a display case.

So take that, you creepy undead (yet beautiful) venomous marauding spider.

 

 

 Close-Up: Yes, that is webbing at her spinnerets